I guess a little bit of a backstory is needed before we continue. My roommate loves the movie Ratatouille. LOVES it. She has a Remy the Rat snowglobe that lives in the back of her car. It's broken and has to sit in a dish so it doesn't leak everywhere, but she just can't bring herself to throw it out. If you say the word "Ratatouille" around her, she'll make that face that most women make when they see a cute baby or some particularly charming puppies and sigh.

One day, we were discussing travel, and she brought up the fact that she'd been to Europe more than I had, which made me cranky. And when I get cranky, I get mean. So I shot back, "Oh yeah? Well have you ever been to Paris? I have. And I went up the Eiffel Tower. And you know what I saw? A tiny rat. Waving at me."

She still hasn't forgiven me.

But I digress.

This is what happens when you send your friend/ex-roommate a text that reads "I have sidewalk chalk and creamsicles. When are you coming to play?"...