There is nothing quite so supremely awesome as walking through a park barefoot on a gorgeous day. I love  feeling grass under my feet, and trees, and the sunshine, and today I didn't even mind the wind blowing hair all over my face. Couple the park with excellent company and conversation and that my friends, is what I would call a perfect afternoon. 

Here are my thoughts for the day:

It makes me so angry when people say hurtful things without thinking. ESPECIALLY when they don't know who they're talking about. You would NOT call your parent/sibling/best friend fat or ugly or stupid or gay or whatever, so what gives you the right to call someone else that? They may not be that important to you, but they're special to someone. 

I'm an english major. Words are kind of my thing. I KNOW if I needed to, I could use them to hurt others. But I won't. Because I know what that feels like. I know how hard it is to try and get those words out of your head. I refuse to be the person that causes those awful feelings in someone else. Words hurt. They hurt SO badly... You can try to ignore them, and your head may say "Who cares?", but your heart will always whisper, "You do, stupid.". 

Please know your words will leave an indelible mark on someone forever. 

And when mean things are said to people I care about, it leaves a mark on me as well.

What Chantelle is doing instead: Writing a blog post.

Monday means two things to me. 1) The beginning of the week, and 2) Women's Chorus.

Today's rehearsal was hard. It was really, really hard.

I think I was just having an off day for singing anyway, plus I'm still really phlegm-y from last week's cold, but I had such a hard time today. I kept losing track of where I was. I couldn't remember what we had done in sectionals the week before. I couldn't concentrate on my section's part in the music... I couldn't get the tempo and the beat right, and it got to the point where others had to tap it out so I could get it. It made me feel so dumb.

I feel so inadequate there. I have to work twice as hard as everyone else sometimes because I'm not in the music program. I'm not surrounded by that all day. I haven't had any formal training. I don't know what a minor fifth is or how to find a C sharp from an A or how to trill. I'm ashamed that I have to rely on the others so much. I feel stupid a lot of the time. I don't really think I fit in with them, or even if I should be in choir. I just wanted to sing...

The other problem with Women's Chorus is that I have a hard time with practicing. I don't have access to a piano, and when I do, our music is so challenging that most of the time I have no idea how to play it anyway. So then I'll go online to see if I can find a recording of it, and there will be nothing. And I'm not nearly talented enough to sight read everything. It frustrates me, and I know it frustrates the other girls in my section. I don't know what do to. I don't know how to ask for help. I don't want to look stupid.

Today I got really, really frustrated. I was frustrated that we had to do the same lines over and over. I was frustrated that the girls in our section who complained the most were the ones who didn't go to the sectionals. I was frustrated with the song in general. But most of all, I was frustrated with myself. I was frustrated that I couldn't do it right.

That's all. Rant finished.

Tomorrow will be better.