As a child, I never experienced the "wonderful" thing that is the fair.

Everyone, upon learning this awful tidbit, was appalled. "How can you NOT have been to a fair?!" I guess it's some type of cultural thing here. I would hear all these stories about how much fun fair was, or how they loved the rides, or be forced to sit through a show and tell while some little boy would show off the gemstones his mom/dad/aunt/grandma/next-door-neighbour bought him at the fair. (Probably after much snivelling, I'd wager...) And thus, Chantelle wrote down in her dream book that she would like to go to a fair. It would be marvellous, after all. Like the fair in Charlotte's Web. She'd ride the rides, and gasp at the top of the ferris wheel, and eat copious amounts of fried and sugary foods, and have a boy win her stuffed animals... Long story short, I never went to a fair.


Well folks, I went to the fair this weekend.


And I Hated it.


Well, maybe not "hate" but I definitely did not enjoy it at all. Perhaps it was because my first fair experience was working inside a food booth. You see, the Scouting group to which my brothers belonged decided that the booth was a great way to make money (it isn't) and that every boy should have to pay a $100 caution fee (they shouldn't), unless they or a family member work at the booth. So guess who was stuck doing a 6 hour shift at the fair? Me. My job was at the front counter, taking orders and running food from the back to the front. During the slow times I was able to do some decent people watching, and even had a fair view (hah, pun!) of the rides. Among the things I noted:

1. Kid on a leash
Yes, parents still do this. I was a leash kid, but at least mine was attached at the wrist so I could escape if necessary. This poor girl's leash was attached to a Tigger backpack so even if she understood what was going on, she wouldn't want to take off the backpack because HELLO it's Tigger! She's got some cunning parents that one...

2. Smokers
Now, normally I'm not one to pry into other people's life choices, but I HATE smoking. Smoke literally makes me physically ill, and I guess our booth was the prime place to light one up, because all the smokers seemed to gather there. What I found even worse was that they were smoking with little children all around them! One girl was smoking in a wheelchair, and there were two little kids sitting at the picnic table next to her and she was like "Hi, I'm Colleen!" *BIG EXHALE OF SMOKE IN KIDS' FACES*. And then there was this guy and his wife and he threw a lit cigarette behind him on teh ground and his toddlers started running around right on top of it! Hello? They were in SANDALS!

3. Old men
Wow. I know a lot of nice old men, but seriously, small town men can have issues. For example, plumber's cracks. I though prairie men were supposed to be the ones who embraced belts and oversized buckles? Does that just disappear when you hit age 50? The worst though was the smell. It was loud, so I'd often have to lean in to hear what they were saying, and some of them smelled REALLY bad. Like, worse than all three of my brothers. I have a theory about this. I believe that, because they are older, that they think they no longer sweat. I mean, sweating is for teenage boys and people with nervous conditions right? NO! Guess what grandpa? Since you are standing there telling me you want a coffee and a cheeseburger I would assume that you are alive. And a human. I would just like to make this clear. Humans that are alive sweat to maintain body temperature. Not just young boys, not just people with nervous conditions, everyone. Also, it is July, meaning that it is hot, and you will sweat. Take a shower gramps. Please. I am telling you this as lovingly as possible. Thanks a heap.

4. The Fair Overall
Bottom line? I wasn't impressed. It smelled like horse poop, grease, and smoke. The prizes were as cheesy, the merry-go-round was a let down after seeing the ones in France, and I wasn't a fan of it really. I didn't mind the crowds or the noise, I just felt kinda let down. But maybe I'm just not like everyone else in these parts. Give me a good city market or little shos anyday and I'm a happy camper. I guess fairs are more of a country thing. Oh well.



I'm not really a hatin' person, but sometimes, I just gotta keep it real. Y'know?







In other news, some of the things I entered in the fair won prizes! Three of my pictures, a digital art project, and a poem all won awards for a total of 2 first places, 2 second places, and 1 third! Woo!